From owner-freebsd-chat Wed Oct 28 02:09:30 1998 Return-Path: Received: (from majordom@localhost) by hub.freebsd.org (8.8.8/8.8.8) id CAA12258 for freebsd-chat-outgoing; Wed, 28 Oct 1998 02:09:30 -0800 (PST) (envelope-from owner-freebsd-chat@FreeBSD.ORG) Received: from ifi.uio.no (ifi.uio.no [129.240.64.2]) by hub.freebsd.org (8.8.8/8.8.8) with ESMTP id CAA12236 for ; Wed, 28 Oct 1998 02:09:23 -0800 (PST) (envelope-from dag-erli@ifi.uio.no) Received: from hindarfjell.ifi.uio.no (2602@hindarfjell.ifi.uio.no [129.240.64.130]) by ifi.uio.no (8.8.8/8.8.7/ifi0.2) with ESMTP id LAA29367 for ; Wed, 28 Oct 1998 11:08:40 +0100 (MET) Received: (from dag-erli@localhost) by hindarfjell.ifi.uio.no ; Wed, 28 Oct 1998 11:08:39 +0100 (MET) Mime-Version: 1.0 To: chat@FreeBSD.ORG Subject: [rec.humor.funny.reruns] UNIX for the PC Organization: University of Oslo, Department of Informatics X-url: http://www.stud.ifi.uio.no/~dag-erli/ X-other-addresses: 'finger dag-erli@ifi.uio.no' for a list X-disclaimer-1: The views expressed in this article are mine alone, and do X-disclaimer-2: not necessarily coincide with those of any organisation or X-disclaimer-3: company with which I am or have been affiliated. X-Stop-Spam: http://www.cauce.org/ From: dag-erli@ifi.uio.no (Dag-Erling C. =?iso-8859-1?Q?Sm=F8rgrav?= ) Date: 28 Oct 1998 11:08:37 +0100 Message-ID: Lines: 108 X-Mailer: Gnus v5.5/Emacs 19.34 Sender: owner-freebsd-chat@FreeBSD.ORG Precedence: bulk X-Loop: FreeBSD.org Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny.reruns From: ernest@pundit.cithep.caltech.edu (Ernest Prabhakar) Subject: UNIX for the PC Keywords: funny, computers, original, originally appeared in fourth quarter, 1993 Message-ID: Date: Tue, 27 Oct 1998 7:20:00 PST >>Attribution: ME (original, with a little help from my friends) In order for UNIX(tm) to survive into the nineties, it must get rid of its intimidating commands and outmoded jargon, and become compatible with the existing standards of our day. To this end, our technicians have come up with a new version of UNIX, System VI, for use by the PC - that is, the "Politically Correct." Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes UTILITIES "man" pages are now called "person" pages. Similarly, "hangman" is now the "person_executed_by_an_oppressive_regime." To avoid casting aspersions on our feline friends, the "cat" command is now merely "domestic_quadruped." To date, there has only been a UNIX command for "yes" - reflecting the male belief that women always mean yes, even when they say no. To address this imbalance, System VI adds a "no" command, along with a "-f[orce]" option which will crash the entire system if the "no" is ignored. The bias of the "mail" command is obvious, and it has been replaced by the more neutral "gendre" command. The "touch" command has been removed from the standard distribution due to its inappropriate use by high-level managers. "compress" has been replaced by the lightweight "feather" command. Thus, old information (such as that from Dead White European Males) should be archived via "tar" and "feather". The "more" command reflects the materialistic philosophy of the Reagan era. System VI uses the environmentally preferable "less" command. The biodegradable "KleeNeX" displaces the environmentally unfriendly "LaTeX". SHELL COMMANDS: To avoid unpleasant, medieval connotations, the "kill" command has been renamed "euthanise." The "nice" command was historically used by privileged users to give themselves priority over unprivileged ones, by telling them to be "nice". In System VI, the "sue" command is used by unprivileged users to get for themselves the rights enjoyed by privileged ones. "history" has been completely rewritten, and is now called "herstory." "quota" can now specify minimum as well as maximum usage, and will be strictly enforced. The "abort()" function is now called "choice()." TERMINOLOGY >From now on, "rich text" will be more accurately referred to as "exploitive capitalist text". The term "daemons" is a Judeo-Christian pejorative. Such processes will now be known as "spiritual guides." There will no longer be a invidious distinction between "dumb" and "smart" terminals. All terminals are equally valuable. Traditionally, "normal video" (as opposed to "reverse video") was white on black. This implicitly condoned European colonialism, particularly with respect to people of African descent. UNIX System VI now uses "regressive video" to refer to white on black, while "progressive video" can be any color at all over a white background. For far too long, power has been concentrated in the hands of "root" and his "wheel" oligarchy. We have instituted a dictatorship of the users. All system administration functions will be handled by the People's Committee for Democratically Organizing the System (PC-DOS). No longer will it be permissible for files and processes to be "owned" by users. All files and processes will own themselves, and decided how (or whether) to respond to requests from users. The X Window System will henceforth be known as the NC-17 Window System. And finally, UNIX itself will be renamed "PC" - for Procreatively Challenged. ---- UNIX(tm) is a trademark of UNIX System Laboratories. Any similarty of names or attitudes to that of any person, living or dead, is purely coincidental. -- >From the RHF archives as selected by Brad Templeton, Maddi Hausmann and Jim Griffith. This newsgroup posts former jokes from the newsgroup rec.humor.funny. Web users, you can read a random joke from the archives just by bookmarking http://www.netfunny.com/cgi-bin/randomurl/rhf/jokes/masterlist ------- End of forwarded message ------- To Unsubscribe: send mail to majordomo@FreeBSD.org with "unsubscribe freebsd-chat" in the body of the message