Date: Sat, 29 Nov 2008 17:43:05 +0200 From: Manolis Kiagias <sonic2000gr@gmail.com> To: Gabor PALI <pgj@FreeBSD.org> Cc: freebsd-doc@freebsd.org Subject: Re: RFR: A "Boot Time Splash Screens" Section to the Handbook Message-ID: <49316309.1050407@gmail.com> In-Reply-To: <493155ED.8020004@FreeBSD.org> References: <493155ED.8020004@FreeBSD.org>
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Gabor PALI wrote: > Hello there, > > A few weeks ago Joseph J. Barbish has contributed a section on boot time > splash screens for the FreeBSD Handbook [1], and after a short > discussion it was requested for comments whether to be really included > it or not [2]. It received a very positive feedback on the topic, so I > created the SGML version of it, that you can study in form of a patch > [3] and a compiled HTML page [4]. > > Please, review, comment and send me your ideas on how to make it better > (and fix it up). Obviously, because I am not a native speaker of > English, it may contain mistakes (I am sure), so review of native > speakers are the most welcome, however review of avid users of the > presented boot time splash screen feature are also important for this patch. > > Thank you for the replies in advance. > > Cheers, > :g > > > PS: For your information, after its commit, I plan to rewrite the > corresponding FAQ entry about splash screens to reference this section > of the Handbook. > > [1] http://lists.freebsd.org/pipermail/freebsd-doc/2008-November/014989.html > [2] http://lists.freebsd.org/pipermail/freebsd-doc/2008-November/015007.html > [3] > http://people.freebsd.org/~pgj/patches/2008/11/29/splash.screen.section.patch.diff > [4] > http://people.freebsd.org/~pgj/patches/2008/11/29/html/boot-blocks.html#BOOT-SPLASH > > Once again very nice work! Here are a few nits you may want to act on. I have not used splash screens for a long time as I don't need them (my desktop literally does not know what a 'reboot' is), so I can't tell about technical accuracy. It does seem ok though. "After the system finished booting, a virtual..." should probably be: "After the system finishes booting..." "...put the user in a graphical desktop" : I don't like using "put" for this (yes, my bikeshed is green), I would probably rephrase it to something like "...present the user with a graphical desktop" "Note that, a 320x200 “splash screen” image will be displayed as a small block in the center of a solid white background screen." => I don't understand what you mean by this. Since the resolution at boot will be 320x200, the splash screen will still fill the entire screen. Do you mean to compare the size of the image to a typical desktop? "To support larger video resolutions up to the maximum of the video card is, activate...": The "is" here is obviously a mistake. You can rephrase this in a number of ways. I would go with something to avoid repeating words like "resolution" and "support" many times in the same sentence. Example: "To use larger images, up to the maximum resolution supported by {the|your} video card, activate..." "will change to the splash screen and cycles through": "cycle" instead of "cycles" While discussing text mode screensavers, it might be worth mentioning that you can get the list of available savers by ls /boot/kernel/*saver.ko or something along that line. " When a PCX file desired, use these statements plus.." => If a PCX file is desired... (the missing 'is' is the problem, you can keep "when") "It is not restricted to use “splash” as file name,..." => Haha, let me revenge the passive voice here :) What you really want to say here is "You are not restricted to use "splash"..." but since we are not talking to the user, we must rephrase. You just can't start with "It" because at this point it does not refer to anything. Something like: "The file name is not really restricted to "splash" as shown in the above example. It can be anything..." "There are 2 another possible" => "There are another 2..." (or better, "two") "be still present" => "still be present" I also feel some longer sentences could use a few commas. I did not make any notes on these (I was too lazy...) but you will probably get them from reading the build. I've only peeked at the SGML, but I am sure there is nothing to fix there :) Cheers, manolis@
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