Date: Tue, 27 Apr 1999 17:33:02 -0600 From: Wes Peters <wes@softweyr.com> To: Terry Lambert <tlambert@primenet.com> Cc: c.raven@ukonline.co.uk, nicole@nmhtech.com, chat@freebsd.org, Johnnie Peters <jpeters@phx.mcd.mot.com> Subject: Re: [Fwd: Hopkins FBI] Message-ID: <3726492E.B18F0564@softweyr.com> References: <199904272142.OAA09956@usr04.primenet.com>
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Terry Lambert wrote:
>
> I went to grades 3 through 9 in rural Utah, as Wes well knows...
>
> The principal of the school had a paddle prominently displayed on
> the wall in his office.
>
> There were no shootings, even though firearms were common: most
> boys, and a not inconsiderable fraction of girls, of 15 years or
> older owned a shotgun and usually a .22 caliber rifle, at a minimum.
>
> There were no knifings, even though knives were very common, and
> frequently (pocket knives and hunting knives) brought to school.
>
> I put the problems today down to children being "protected" from
> the knowledge that there are consequences to their actions.
And I put the current situation down to children knowing for a certainty
there *are no* negative consequences to their actions anymore. They
screw up, they are counseled. They screw up again, they are counseled
again. This information is legally withheld from their parents and law
enforcement until they finally go over the deep end and kill someone.
The parents don't talk to the teachers, the teachers don't talk to the
parents, the principal doesn't talk to the parents OR the teachers,
and NOBODY talks to the kids. We have sacrificied our entire society
on the altar of our childrens self-esteem. Perhaps it is true that
the rotten little shits should not have any self-esteem, unless they
can be raised to be someone worthy of esteem?
And no, this didn't just start happening. I went to school all over
the USA, as Terry knows, and found some astonishing differences. In
1970, when forced bussing began in the South, I was living in Columbus
Georgia. The year before, I attended a 2-year-old school 0.5 miles
from my home, along with other children from my neighborhood. This
year, my brothers and sister and I, along with the kids on our side
of the street, were bussed 24 miles to George Washington Carver School,
an integrated K-12 prison in the center of the city.
We attended from the start of school to the Christmas break, during
which time we had 4 firebombings, three mass fights, including one
which involved grades 4-12, several busses shot at, and one lovely
gentleman who expressed his opinion of bussing the "white trash" into
his neighborhood by throwing a cinder block through our school bus
window. It was a terrible time, and most of you are lucky you didn't
live through it. *All* of our children now are living through it.
> It used to be that if your child misbehaved at school, the child
> would be sent to the principal's office and, if necessary, given
> negative reinforcement for the misbehaviour by the principal as
> a proxy for the absent parent.
>
> Thus even if the parent failed to teach the child that there were
> consequences to ones actions, the school protected society at large
> by making it clear that the parents were not representative of the
> arger society, and that the larger society was where the child would
> be living, at least part time, and theat they better learn the rules
> which members of the society are expected to follow.
>
> This was our social "safety net"; now if a parent spanks the
> child, the child can get the parent arrested, and schools are
> permitted the same leeway as a British Bobby -- namely, they can
> yell "Stop, or I shall yell 'stop' again!".
> My sister is a "hands off" parent; the most frequent question she
> voices in response to compaints by other parents about one of my
> nephews is "but what could I do?". She won't accept the answer
> "spank him when he exhibits socially unacceptable behaviour". My
> nephew wears gang paraphenalia, which makes sense, since he is one
> of the, to be politically correct, "peer group leaders" at his school.
>
> With no adult enforcement of acceptable behaviour, I can only hope
> he lives long enough to attend and then graduate high school and
> join the Marines, since no one else is permitted (by my sister) to
> teach him self discipline.
>
> [...]
>
> I find it surprising that people who have to think in statements
> like "if A then B" have such a hard time internalizing the idea of
> action and reaction.
Truly amazing, isn't it. The most terrifying part is the generation
now moving into parenthood who think all of this is somehow "right,"
who have no experience of what the world was like when people had
the sense to be ashamed of their antisocial, counterproductive
activities.
> In my experience, most people who exhibit socially acceptable
> behaviour do so for fear of the consequences, not because people
> are inherently nice creatures at some genetic level.
Because they are not. I was carefully taught right and wrong BY
MY MOTHER as a small child, because she was with us 24 hours a
day and could do it. Who teaches children right from wrong these
days? The babysitter? The woman in the neighborhood who takes
in 12 other children so she can keep hers at home? The people at
the day care center, who are paid $5.00 and hour to wipe noses and
asses, sometimes with the same Kimwipe? Or the nannies we saw on
Dateline last night, who throw infants across the room?
This is one point Jordan has been 100% correct on: until you're ready
to be a parent 24x7x52x18 -- that's 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 52
weeks a year, for 18 years, you're not ready to be a parent. Part-time
parents are another cause of the uncontrolled human animals that prey
upon our children now. I saw a sound bite from the mother of one of
those animals from Colorado yesterday; she didn't know her son was
building pipe bombs in the garage because "I didn't want to pry."
Here's a counter-quote from MY mother this morning, who managed to
raise at least ONE homicidal maniac into a contributing member of
society: "That's not prying, that's parenting!" (My brother Johnnie,
whom I've cc'd on this, can attest to the homicidal maniac part; he's
yanked me back from the abyss once or twice.)
Although it is considered a cliche, I'll offer the standard parting
shot: those of you who are not parents, do NOT understand the terror
of having your children endangered. They are NOT like your siblings,
parents, pets, or anyone else you have a relationship with. I have
loved and cared for nieces, nephews, and girlfriend's kids over the
years, and they come close, but are still NOT the same.
If you want some idea of what it feels like to have your child
threatened, think for a couple of years (3, in my case) of what it
would be like to have someone threaten to shoot or cut off/out one
of your arms, or one of your lungs. That comes close. Given the
choice of trading my life for Bailey's, it wouldn't take a single
heartbeat to answer. And God save whoever it is threatening her.
--
"Where am I, and what am I doing in this handbasket?"
Wes Peters Softweyr LLC
http://www.softweyr.com/~softweyr wes@softweyr.com
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