Date: Sat, 24 Jan 1998 08:43:49 -0600 From: Michael Lay <n5ptn@bga.com> To: questions@FreeBSD.ORG Subject: Can anyone relate? Message-ID: <2.2.16.19980124084142.25c784c6@bga.com>
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>> >>Subject: A new toaster >> >> >> >>Day 1: My boss, an engineer from the pre-CAD days, has successfully >>brought a generation of products from Acme Toaster Corp's engineering >>labs to market. Bob is a wonder of mechanical ingenuity. All of us in >>the design department have the utmost respect for him, so I was >>honored when he appointed me the lead designer on the new Acme 2000 >>Toaster. >> >>Day 6: We met with the president, head of sales, and the marketing >>vice president today to hammer out the project's requirements and >>specifications. Here at Acme, our market share is eroding to low-cost >>imports. We agreed to meet a cost of goods of $9.50 (100,000). I've >>identified the critical issue in the new design: a replacement for the >>timing spring we've used since the original 1922 model. Research with >>the focus groups shows that consumers set high expectations for their >>breakfast foods. Cafe latte from Starbuck's goes best with a precise >>level of toastal browning. The Acme 2000 will give our customers the >>breakfast experience they desire. I estimated a design budget of >>$21,590 for this project and final delivery in seven weeks. I'll need >>one assistant designer to help with the drawing packages. This is my >>first chance to supervise! >> >>Day 23: We've found the ideal spring material. Best of all, it's a >>well-proven technology. Our projected cost of goods is almost $1.50 >>lower than our goal. Our rough prototype, which was completed just 12 >>days after we started, has been servicing the employee cafeteria for a >>week without a single hiccup. Toastal quality exceeds projections. >> >>Day 24: A major aerospace company that had run out of defense >>contractors to acquire has just snapped up that block of Acme stock >>sold to the Mackenzie family in the '50s. At a companywide meeting, >>corporate assured us that this sale was only an investment and that >>nothing will change. >> >>Day 30: I showed the Acme 2000's exquisitely crafted toastal-timing >>mechanism to Ms. Primrose, the new engineering auditor. The single >>spring and four interlocking lever arms are things of beauty to me. >> >>Day 36: The design is complete. We're starting a prototype run of 500 >>toasters tomorrow. I'm starting to wrap up the engineering effort. My >>new assistant did a wonderful job. >> >>Day 38: Suddenly, a major snag happened. Bob called me into his >>office. He seemed very uneasy as he informed me that those on high >>feel that the Acme 2000 is obsolete -- something about using springs >>in the silicon age. I reminded Bob that the consultants had looked at >>using a microprocessor but figured that an electronic design would >>exceed our cost target by almost 50% with no real benefit in terms of >>toastal quality. "With a computer, our customers can load the bread >>the night before, program a finish time, and get a perfect slice of >>toast when they awaken," Bob intoned, as if reading from a script. >> >>Day 48: Bill Compguy, the new microprocessor whiz, scrapped my idea of >>using a dedicated 4-bit CPU. "We need some horsepower if we're gonna >>program this puppy in C," he said, while I stared fascinated at the >>old crumbs stuck in his wild beard. "Time-to-market, you >>know. Delivery is due in three months. We'll just pop this cool new >>8-bitter I found into it, whip up some code, and ship to the end >>user." >> >>Day 120: The good news is that I'm getting to stretch my >>mechanical-design abilities. Bill convinced management that the old >>spring-loaded, press-down lever control is obsolete. I've designed a >>"motorized insertion port," stealing ideas from a CD-ROM drive. Three >>cross-coupled, safety-interlock microswitches ensure that the heaters >>won't come on unless users properly insert the toast. We're seeing >>some reliability problems due to the temperature extremes, but I'm >>sure we can work those out. >> >>Day 132: New schedule: We now expect delivery in three months. We've >>replaced the 8-bitter with a Harvard-architecture, 16-bit, 3-MIPS CPU. >> >>Day 172: New schedule: We now expect delivery in three months. >> >>Day 194: The auditors convinced management we really need a graphical >>user interface with a full-screen LCD. "You're gonna need some >>horsepower to drive that," Bill warned us. "I recommend a 386 with a >>half-meg of RAM." He went back to design Revision J of the pc board. >> >>Day 268: New schedule: We now expect delivery in three months. We've >>cured most of the electronics' temperature problems with a pair of >>fans, though management is complaining about the noise. Bob sits in >>his office all day, door locked, drinking Jack Daniels. Like >>clockwork, his wife calls every night around midnight, sobbing. I'm >>worried about him and mentioned my concern to Chuck. "Wife?" he >>asked. "Wife? Yeah, I think I've got one of those and two or three >>kids, too. Now, let's just stick another meg of RAM in here, OK?" >> >>Day 290: We gave up on the custom GUI and are now installing Windows >>CE. The auditors applauded Bill's plan to upgrade to a Pentium with >>32 Mbytes of RAM. There's still no functioning code, but the toaster >>is genuinely impressive. Four circuit boards, bundles of cables, and a >>gigabit of hard-disk space. "This sucker has more computer power than >>the entire world did 20 years ago," Bill boasted proudly. >> >>Day 384: Toastal quality is sub-par. The addition of two more cooling >>fans keeps the electronics to a reasonable temperature but removes too >>much heat from the toast. I'm struggling with baffles to vector the >>air, but the thrust of all these fans spins the toaster around. >> >>Day 410: New schedule: We now expect delivery in three months. We >>switched From C++ to Java. "That'll get them pesky memory-allocation >>bugs, for sure," Bill told his team of 15 programmers. This approach >>seems like a good idea to me, because Java is platform-independent, >>and there are rumors circulating that we're porting to a SPARCstation. >> >>Day 530: New schedule: We now expect delivery in three months. I >>mastered the temperature problems by removing all of the fans and the >>heating elements. The Pentium is now thermally bonded to the toast. We >>found a thermal grease that isn't too poisonous. Our marketing people >>feel that the slight degradation in taste from the grease will be more >>than compensated for by the "toasting experience that can only come >>from a CISC-based, 32-bit multitasking machine running the latest >>multiplatform software." >> >>Day 610: The product shipped. It weighs 72 lb and costs $325. Bill was >>promoted to CEO. >> > > > >
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