Date: Wed, 6 Apr 2011 10:01:45 +0200 From: Mark Meyer <ofosos@googlemail.com> To: Benjamin Kaduk <kaduk@mit.edu> Cc: freebsd-doc@freebsd.org, freebsd-gnats-submit@freebsd.org Subject: Re: docs/156187: Add bsnmpd to handbook Message-ID: <BANLkTi=JhNcPpqT9YEWcpnKZBDh83D33-w@mail.gmail.com> In-Reply-To: <alpine.GSO.1.10.1104060108420.19944@multics.mit.edu> References: <201104042156.p34LukIJ003940@red.freebsd.org> <alpine.GSO.1.10.1104060108420.19944@multics.mit.edu>
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--0016e6d99af66fd49604a03b67d6 Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1 Thanks for your comments. I attached a revised patch. See below. 2011/4/6 Benjamin Kaduk <kaduk@mit.edu> > > > It's not clear that the ordinality of the installation is relevant. It is not relevant. > I think "the default configuration is runnable" is more clear. > I don't want to overuse 'default', otherwise changed. > I have a general preference for "everyone" over "everybody" that I cannot > really justify to this audience and will refrain from noting all > occurrences. However, here I think "anyone" or "everyone" is preferable. > I prefer to follow you there. > + guess it, will be able to read from your systems management >> > > no comma. > Fixed. > + data. The community will however be transferred in plain text >> >> + over the wire, thus potentially leaking an otherwise secure >> + password to an attacker.</para></note> >> > > "thus" is perhaps spurious; the whole sentence could probably be reworded > to make it more clear that valuable passwords should not be used as they are > sent in cleartext. Now reads: " Choose the community string wisely. Everyone able to guess it will be able to read from your systems management data. The community string is transferred in cleartext over the network, potentially leaking a valuable password to an attacker." Express that the user doesn't want to use the very weak "public", or his/her valuable user credentials. Do you have an opinion about starting the third sentence with "But"? "enable" Done. Can you reword to avoid the awkwardness of treating the screenshot as part > of the sentence? "Start bsnmpd:" Do you have a preference to end the sentence preceding the <screen> in a full stop or in a colon? + <screen>&prompt.root; <userinput>/etc/rc.d/bsnmpd >> start</userinput></screen> >> + >> + <para>will start <application>bsnmpd</application> >> + immediately. To test your setup, run >> + an <application>bsnmpget</application> from the machine you >> + installed on.</para> >> > > "machine you installed on" is a somewhat awkward phrase. I used "your system" elsewhere. The idea that you're doing this locally should be evident. > + >> + <screen>&prompt.root; <userinput>/usr/local/bin/bsnmpget -s >> superprivate@localhost sysContact</userinput> >> +sysContact.0 = sysmeister@example.com</screen> >> + >> + <para>The command should dump the value you entered in your >> > > s/dump/print/, I think (having not tried running the command) Changed. > + configuration.</para> >> > > Maybe name bsnmpd.config explicitly? > Done. Other changes: some markup, removed the word "now" preceding instructions (superfluous). - Mark --0016e6d99af66fd49604a03b67d6 Content-Type: text/plain; charset=US-ASCII; name="bsnmpd02.diff.txt" Content-Disposition: attachment; filename="bsnmpd02.diff.txt" Content-Transfer-Encoding: base64 X-Attachment-Id: f_gm5yxuxe0 SW5kZXg6IGVuX1VTLklTTzg4NTktMS9ib29rcy9oYW5kYm9vay9uZXR3b3JrLXNlcnZlcnMvY2hh cHRlci5zZ21sCj09PT09PT09PT09PT09PT09PT09PT09PT09PT09PT09PT09PT09PT09PT09PT09 PT09PT09PT09PT09PT09PT09PT0KUkNTIGZpbGU6IC9ob21lL25jdnMvZG9jL2VuX1VTLklTTzg4 NTktMS9ib29rcy9oYW5kYm9vay9uZXR3b3JrLXNlcnZlcnMvY2hhcHRlci5zZ21sLHYKcmV0cmll dmluZyByZXZpc2lvbiAxLjEyOQpkaWZmIC11IC1yMS4xMjkgY2hhcHRlci5zZ21sCi0tLSBlbl9V Uy5JU084ODU5LTEvYm9va3MvaGFuZGJvb2svbmV0d29yay1zZXJ2ZXJzL2NoYXB0ZXIuc2dtbAk0 IEFwciAyMDExIDA1OjIzOjMzIC0wMDAwCTEuMTI5CisrKyBlbl9VUy5JU084ODU5LTEvYm9va3Mv aGFuZGJvb2svbmV0d29yay1zZXJ2ZXJzL2NoYXB0ZXIuc2dtbAk2IEFwciAyMDExIDA3OjE0OjIw 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