Date: Sat, 21 Feb 1998 16:15:20 -0900 (AKST) From: mlduke@concentric.net To: bob_bales@om.cv.hp.com, questions@FreeBSD.ORG, briefs@alaska.net, Barb&Eldon <jester49@concentric.net>, Bob Tierney <rimfiret@alaska.net>, Chris Kerr <un_x@hotmail.com>, Chris Coleman <chrisc@vmunix.com>, Jay Nelson <jdn@acp.qiv.com>, Tim Hanson <timmy@ptialaska.net> Subject: (Priceless--From Duke) Actual Happenings (fwd) Message-ID: <Pine.BSF.3.96.980221161213.315A-100000@mlduke.concentric.net>
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Enjoy. >Some Favorite Bizarre!-But-True Courtroom Gems from Headlines >Recently reported in the Massachusetts Bar Association >Lawyers Journal, the following are questions actually asked >of witnesses by attorneys during trials and, in certain cases, >the responses given by insightful witnesses: > >"Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, >he doesn't know about it until the next morning?" > >"The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?" > >"Were you present when your picture was taken?" > >Q: "Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check >for a pulse? >A: "No." >Q: "Did you check for blood pressure?" >A: "No." >Q: "Did you check for breathing?" >A: "No." >Q: "So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you > began the autopsy?" >A: "No." >Q: "How can you be so sure, Doctor?" >A: "Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar." >Q: "But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?" >A: "It is possible that he could have been alive and practicing > law somewhere." > >"Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?" > >"Did he kill you?" > >"How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?" > >"You were there until the time you left, is that true?" > >"How many times have you committed suicide?" > >Q: "So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?" >A: "Yes." >Q: "And what were you doing at that time?" > >Q: "She had three children, right?" >A: "Yes." >Q: "How many were boys?" >A: "None." >Q: "Were there any girls?" > >Q: "You say the stairs went down to the basement?" >A: "Yes." >Q: "And these stairs, did they go up also?" > >Q: "Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn't you?" >A: "I went to Europe, Sir." >Q: "And you took your new wife?" > >Q: "How was your first marriage terminated?" >A: "By death." >Q: "And by who's death was it terminated?" > >Q: "Can you describe the individual?" >A: "He was about medium height and had a beard." >Q: "Was this a male, or a female?" > >Q: "Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to > a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?" >A: "No, this is how I dress when I go to work." > >Q: "Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?" >A: "All my autopsies are performed on dead people." > >Q: "All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?" >A: "Oral." > >Q: "Do you recall the time that you examined the body?" >A: "The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.." >Q: "And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?" >A: "No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an >autopsy." > >Q: "You were not shot in the fracas?" >A: "No, I was shot midway between the fracas and the navel." > >Q: "Are you qualified to give a urine sample?" >A: "I have been since early childhood." > > > > > Stories like these don't come along every day... > > > >------- >Doug > > > Please visit http://www.prospectorsbanqueclub.com and http://www.eagleflt.com To receive posts from this list send an E-MAIL to me with the word "subscribe" in the subject box. To be removed from this list send a post to me with the word "unsubscribe" in the subject box. ================================================================== EAGLEFLIGHT ///, /// \ /, / >. David E. Rydel \ /, _/ /. ***** \_ /_/ /. uNITED STATES Theatre Command \__/_ << Voice-248-391-0798 /<<<<<< \_\_ Fax-248-391-6785 /,)^>>_._ \ Alt.Fax-248-391-3528 (/ \\ /\\\ E-MAIL: EAGLEFLT@eagleflt.com // ```` ==============((`============================================= A VOICE OF THE MILITIA IN NORTH AMERICA To Unsubscribe: send mail to majordomo@FreeBSD.org with "unsubscribe freebsd-questions" in the body of the message
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