Date: Wed, 30 Jan 2013 21:24:57 -0700 (MST) From: Warren Block <wblock@wonkity.com> To: Benjamin Kaduk <kaduk@MIT.EDU> Cc: svn-doc-head@freebsd.org, svn-doc-all@freebsd.org, doc-committers@freebsd.org Subject: Re: svn commit: r40807 - head/en_US.ISO8859-1/htdocs Message-ID: <alpine.BSF.2.00.1301302109430.44011@wonkity.com> In-Reply-To: <alpine.GSO.1.10.1301292239300.9389@multics.mit.edu> References: <201301292324.r0TNOdit094312@svn.freebsd.org> <alpine.GSO.1.10.1301292239300.9389@multics.mit.edu>
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On Wed, 30 Jan 2013, Benjamin Kaduk wrote: >> + <p>No matter what the application, you want your system's >> + resources performing at their full potential. &os;'s focus >> + on performance, networking, and storage, combined with easy >> + system administration and excellent documentation to allow > > "easy system administration" feels like it lacks proper parallelism here; > "its ease of system administration" is probably better. The "its" is not necessary. And "combined" is wrong for "to allow". Incidentally, I personally dislike the "you want" at the start of this paragraph. Docs or people are free to advise me, but should not be telling me what I want. Since I am not feeling smart enough to avoid this, what the heck: <p>No matter what the application, an operating system should take advantage of every resource available. &os;'s focus on performance, networking, and storage combines with ease of system administration and comprehensive documentation to realize the full potential of any computer.</p>
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