Date: Fri, 17 Nov 2000 05:27:13 -0700 From: Joe Warner <jswarner@uswest.net> To: Kris Kennaway <kris@FreeBSD.org> Cc: chat@FreeBSD.org Subject: Re: Fwd: NOTICE OF REVOCATION OF INDEPENDENCE Message-ID: <3A152421.80504@uswest.net> References: <20001116212419.A62405@citusc17.usc.edu>
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>Except Utah, which she does not fancy. Ok, just for that, no free tickets to the 2002 Winter Games for her! Joe Kris Kennaway wrote: > NOTICE OF REVOCATION OF INDEPENDENCE > > To the citizens of the United States of America, > > In the light of your failure to elect a President of the USA and thus > to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your > independence, effective today. > > Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchicay > duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories. Except > Utah, which she does not fancy. Your new prime minister (The > rt. hon.Tony Blair, MP for the 97.85% of you who have until now been > unaware that there is a world outside your borders) will appoint a > minister for America without the need for further elections. Congress > and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire will be circulated > next year to determine whether any of you noticed. > > To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following > rules are introduced with immediate effect: > > 1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. > Then look up "aluminium". Check the pronunciation guide. You will be > amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. Generally, > you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up > "vocabulary". Using the same twenty seven words interspersed with > filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and > inefficient form of communication. Look up "interspersed". > > 2. There is no such thing as "US English". We will let Microsoft know > on your behalf. > > 3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents. > It really isn't that hard. > > 4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as > the good guys. > > 5. You should relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The > Queen", but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want > you to get confused and give up half way through. > > 6. You should stop playing American "football". There is only one > kind of football. What you refer to as American "football" is not a > very good game. The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world > outside your borders may have noticed that no one else plays > "American" football. You will no longer be allowed to play it, and > should instead play proper football. Initially, it would be best if > you played with the girls. It is a difficult game. Those of you > brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which is similar > to American "football", but does not involve stopping for a rest every > twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like nancies). We > are hoping to get together at least a US rugby sevens side by 2005. > > 7. You should declare war on Quebec and France, using nuclear weapons > if they give you any merde. The 98.85% of you who were not aware that > there is a world outside your borders should count yourselves lucky. > The Russians have never been the bad guys. "Merde" is French for > "sh*t". > > 8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 8th will be a new > national holiday, but only in England. It will be called "Indecisive > Day". > > 9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and it is for > your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what > we mean. > > 10. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy. > > Thank you for your cooperation. To Unsubscribe: send mail to majordomo@FreeBSD.org with "unsubscribe freebsd-chat" in the body of the message
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