Date: Fri, 15 Oct 1999 16:29:49 -0400 From: "Martin Mactaggart" <martinm@visualedge.com> To: <freebsd-newbies@freebsd.org> Subject: Real (macho-type) men (apropos 'The complete FreeBSD') Message-ID: <003301bf174c$0812b3e0$a600a8c0@visualedge.com>
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Real men don't need or read instructions.
Why do you think they call them 'man' pages?
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<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2> Real men don't need =
or read=20
instructions.</FONT></DIV>
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<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2> Why do you think =
they call them=20
'man' pages?</FONT></DIV></BODY></HTML>
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Politically Correct UNIX
In order for UNIX=AE to survive into the nineties, it must get rid of =
its intimidating commands and
outmoded jargon, and become compatible with the existing standards of =
our day. To this end, our
technicians have come up with a new version of UNIX, System VI, for use =
by the PC - that is, the
"Politically Correct."
System VI Release notes=20
Utilities :
"man" pages are now called "person" pages.=20
Similarly, "hangman" is now the =
"person_executed_by_an_oppressive_regime."=20
To avoid casting aspersions on our feline friends, the "cat" command is =
now merely
"domestic_quadruped."=20
To date, there has only been a UNIX command for "yes" - reflecting the =
male belief that women always
mean yes, even when they say no. To address this imbalance, System VI =
adds a "no" command, along with
a "-f[orce]" option which will crash the entire system if the "no" is =
ignored.
=20
The bias of the "mail" command is obvious, and it has been replaced by =
the more neutral "gendre"
command.=20
The "touch" command has been removed from the standard distribution due =
to its inappropriate use by
high-level managers.=20
"compress" has been replaced by the lightweight "feather" command. Thus, =
old information (such as that
from Dead White European Males) should be archived via "tar" and =
"feather".=20
The "more" command reflects the materialistic philosophy of the Reagan =
era. System VI uses the
environmentally preferable "less" command.
The biodegradable "KleeNeX" displaces the environmentally unfriendly =
"LaTeX".=20
Shell Commands:
To avoid unpleasant, medieval connotations, the "kill" command has been =
renamed "euthanise."=20
The "nice" command was historically used by privileged users to give =
themselves priority over
unprivileged ones, by telling them to be "nice". In System VI, the "sue" =
command is used by
unprivileged users to get for themselves the rights enjoyed by =
privileged ones.=20
"history" has been completely rewritten, and is now called "herstory." =
"quota" can now specify minimum
as well as maximum usage, and will be strictly enforced.=20
The "abort()" function is now called "choice()."=20
Terminology:
For now on, "rich text" will be more accurately referred to as =
"exploitive capitalist text".=20
The term "daemons" is a Judeo-Christian pejorative. Such processes will =
now be known as "spiritual
guides."=20
There will no longer be an invidious distinction between "dumb" and =
"smart" terminals. All terminals
are equally valuable.=20
Traditionally, "normal video" (as opposed to "reverse video") was white =
on black. This implicitly
condoned European colonialism, particularly with respect to people of =
African descent. UNIX System VI
now uses "regressive video" to refer to white on black, while =
"progressive video" can be any color at
all over a white background.=20
For far too long, power has been concentrated in the hands of "root" and =
his "wheel" oligarchy. We
have instituted a dictatorship of the users. All system administration =
functions will be handled by
the People's Committee for Democratically Organizing the System =
(PC-DOS). No longer will it be
permissible for files and processes to be "owned" by users. All files =
and processes will own
themselves, and decide how (or whether) to respond to requests from =
users.=20
The X Window System will henceforth be known as the NC-17 Window System. =
And finally, UNIX itself will be renamed "PC" - for Procreatively =
Challenged.=20
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